So the past couple weeks I have been having an extremely rough time. A big part of it I know is dealing with the loss of my precious 6 month old niece, Mackenzie Grace, who went to heaven on March 8 of this year. I have had nightmares every night, which leaves me exhausted, not helping anything.
We are also approaching May which is normally a VERY busy season for us. My husband runs a summer camp, and we get busier and busier as summer approaches.
I also work at a Fine Arts school so my kids can take classes there and we have a talent show coming up this Saturday where my sweet Lillie will do a ballet solo, and the teens I work with (and am so proud of!) are doing a musical skit of the sorts. So have been very busy working on that. As well as the kids are in an adorable play the first weekend in May...which also means more rehearsals and arranging costumes.
It doesn't stop.....
I also work at an AMAZING dance studio where Lillie takes ballet and we have a two night recital coming up in a few weeks.
Plus.....
My in laws are having a big 50th anniversary party (hey 50 years! What an accomplishment) in Kentucky where we will leave on a Friday, do the party on the Saturday, then drive back on Sunday.
Plus.....
I have a homeschool conference coming up.
Plus.....
I teach at the homeschool co-op (one week left! YEA!).
Plus....
Lillie has started an intense learning tutoring program where I take her 3 days a week and I teach her their program another 3 days a week.
Plus......
Our cat is having kittens.
OK, so I have a crazy life. But all of those things are good things, wonderful things. I am so glad we are blessed enough for our kids to have such amazing opportunities. And most of those things are coming to a head this month, which would stress any normal sane person out I think (or am I so crazy to think that? Haha). But when you add on the death of a child, (not to mention worrying about how your family is taking such a tragedy) sometimes, the smallest of problems seem unbearable. This week has been building up to that point. I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and just cried, I mean CRIED A LOT! To where your head, sinuses, and eyes hurt from crying. (And weird thing is, I feel like I have a lot of crying left to do.) All day today, I have been in a funk, and exhausted. I walked up to the office to work a few things out, and notice the sky looks like a big storm is coming. RELIEF! There are the obvious answers, "the weather matches my mood" or "we need rain so bad" which are both true, but there is a deeper meaning for me. Last night (and this morning) I was crying, and crying out to God as to why life was so hard. I had a lot of other questions (lots of whys) and begged him to just show me He was with me, give me a sign He loves me, its going to be OK! A few times begging to just send the rapture now. (Don't be worried....I know God loves me, I know He is real, if we are honest, we all feel like this sometimes).
Well, when my mom was a little girl, her dad was in the navy. His 4 daughters I am sure hated when he left to go out on the ship. He would always tell them that if it rained, God was telling them everything was going to be OK, Daddy was coming home. And that story of my Grandpa has passed on ever since! Funny thing is, when something bad happens in our family, it rains!!!
So as I am seeing the storm coming, its a sign to me, everything is going to be OK. My Father is coming back! (of course, I don't know when that time is) I am in His hands, and through Him, I will be OK! Doesn't mean life wont be hard (still in a struggle right now), doesn't mean I am going to have battles to fight, but I am loved by someone who LOVES ME more than I understand...........
I once heard that joy does not mean happiness. Joy is knowing, Happiness is a feeling. You can have Joy in the storms because even though you don't understand, you KNOW He is in control!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
A Palm Tree Life
I have been wanting to start a blog for a while now on my life. My life has a Christian, Mother, Wife, Camp Mom, homeschool teacher, and my love for baking. Just on my crazy life. I debated on a title, but I finally settled on 'A PALM TREE LIFE'. I know, it's a weird title, but I'm weird! What can I say!
Aside from the obvious connection that I grew up in Orlando, FL and LOVE the beach and this state, or that after 10 long years away how blessed I feel to be back, there is actually a deeper meaning.
My name, Tamara, is Hebrew for Palm Tree. For a long time I thought that was so cheesy! I couldn't have some profound meaning like Beautiful or Wise One! I'm a palm tree!! Hahaha.
A couple years ago I was reading a book by Francine Rivers on Tamar in the Bible. In that booked she talked about how Tamar meant palm tree, but went on to describe what a strong tree that it was and how it could withstand all kind of storms and weather and not be harmed. I felt proud of my name after that!
Then I recently ran across this blog: http://www.pangjson.blogspot.com/2008/04/palm-tree.html. I am going to copy and paste from there:
Aside from the obvious connection that I grew up in Orlando, FL and LOVE the beach and this state, or that after 10 long years away how blessed I feel to be back, there is actually a deeper meaning.
My name, Tamara, is Hebrew for Palm Tree. For a long time I thought that was so cheesy! I couldn't have some profound meaning like Beautiful or Wise One! I'm a palm tree!! Hahaha.
A couple years ago I was reading a book by Francine Rivers on Tamar in the Bible. In that booked she talked about how Tamar meant palm tree, but went on to describe what a strong tree that it was and how it could withstand all kind of storms and weather and not be harmed. I felt proud of my name after that!
Then I recently ran across this blog: http://www.pangjson.blogspot.com/2008/04/palm-tree.html. I am going to copy and paste from there:
The Palm Tree
Be like the palm tree
‘THE RIGHTEOUS WILL FLOURISH LIKE A PALM TREE…’ PSALM 92:12 NIV
Palm trees. You generally don’t get them growing in your back garden! Palm trees are associated with exotic places, hot places, and they’re quite amazing trees! For starters, you can cut it but you can’t kill it. The nutrients that most trees need to survive can be found just below the bark, so when you cut them they die. But not the palm tree; its life comes from its heart so it thrives even under attack. Don’t let surface issues faze you. Stay focused on what God promised you!
The palm tree bends but it won’t break. Monsoon storms and hurricanes can blow most trees away, but not the palm tree. It’s flexible. It can bend all the way to the ground, and when the storm is over it straightens up again and is actually stronger. You were made to bend, not break. God promises to give you ‘…strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy’ (Colossians 1:11 TM). The unfolding of God’s amazing plan for your life will happen as you show your ability to endure.
The palm tree’s depth exceeds its height. While the roots of the average tree go a few feet under, the roots of the palm tree go deep in search of water. David said this about people who trust in God, ‘They are strong, like a tree planted by a river…’ (Psalm 1:3 NCV). God’s plan for you is to go deep, stay connected to Him, and never be uprooted, or blown away. If you’re facing attack, or a storm, or a dry season don’t ask ‘Why me?’ instead remember, ‘God has made me like a Palm tree’.
Dan 5- 7, Matt 2:13- 23, Ps 7:10- 17, Pr 10:17- 18
‘THE RIGHTEOUS WILL FLOURISH LIKE A PALM TREE…’ PSALM 92:12 NIV
Palm trees. You generally don’t get them growing in your back garden! Palm trees are associated with exotic places, hot places, and they’re quite amazing trees! For starters, you can cut it but you can’t kill it. The nutrients that most trees need to survive can be found just below the bark, so when you cut them they die. But not the palm tree; its life comes from its heart so it thrives even under attack. Don’t let surface issues faze you. Stay focused on what God promised you!
The palm tree bends but it won’t break. Monsoon storms and hurricanes can blow most trees away, but not the palm tree. It’s flexible. It can bend all the way to the ground, and when the storm is over it straightens up again and is actually stronger. You were made to bend, not break. God promises to give you ‘…strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy’ (Colossians 1:11 TM). The unfolding of God’s amazing plan for your life will happen as you show your ability to endure.
The palm tree’s depth exceeds its height. While the roots of the average tree go a few feet under, the roots of the palm tree go deep in search of water. David said this about people who trust in God, ‘They are strong, like a tree planted by a river…’ (Psalm 1:3 NCV). God’s plan for you is to go deep, stay connected to Him, and never be uprooted, or blown away. If you’re facing attack, or a storm, or a dry season don’t ask ‘Why me?’ instead remember, ‘God has made me like a Palm tree’.
Dan 5- 7, Matt 2:13- 23, Ps 7:10- 17, Pr 10:17- 18
Boy do I wish I was talented enough to come up with all that on my own!!! My life has had a lot of bends in it for sure, but by his grace and mercy alone, God has not allowed me to break!!!
I hope you enjoy my blog, I hope to write all kinds of things on here! My life can get really crazy and I hope you enjoy the ride with me!
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