Monday, January 27, 2014
New Blog! Go check it out
My life has recently brought on a lot of change, and with it, comes a new blog! Go check it out at TAMLANDO!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas in Heaven
This is my favorite time of year!! Filled with some much joy and happiness! I love the lights, the colors, the smells, the tastes, the emotions.....everything about Christmas! I've always been that way! I get just excited about Christmas and all the traditions as my kids do I think! However, this time of year, for some, brings a sadness with that joy (yes, its possible for them to both be there together!). I kinda knew that, but never really got it until this year. If you know me or have read my blog, you know this past year my sister lost her 6 month old to SIDS. I can only imagine her pain, knowing my own and as a parent, hers would be much greater. Its little things for me that trigger the sadness. I know I was making cinnamon applesauce ornaments with my kids and after they dried, I was tying ribbon to hang them to the tree, well, one of the cookie cutters we used had little handprints....I started crying. Certain commercials, certain sections of the store, certain songs, I could go on and on! One day I caught myself in Walmart, and I have no idea how long I stood there, but there I was in a trance with stinging eyes staring at a toy..I so wanted to just buy it for her. Its a ton of stuff like that you would never have thought for people would be hard until youve been through it or something even similiar. It also makes me think of all the parents in Newtown, CT who lost all their kids. My heart breaks for them! I am sure that they all have toys already bought and wrapped and thats just unbearable. OK..enough of the mopey writing. So Ive been struggling...some days harder then others...but still. Im my struggles, one day this past week I was just praying about it all. I was just asking God to help me with this grief and to pass on my love and Christmas wishes to my sweet niece. I got this great picture in my mind, that I do believe was Him answering my prayer. My sweet niece, up in heaven, celebrating Christmas not just with love ones who are already there (My Nin, Mrs. Crabtree, Grandpa, a child I miscarried)...but with Jesus Christ Himself!!! I have to admit, the scene in my mind made me a little jealous. Even though I LOVE all the presents, lights, Elf on a Shelf, and Santa.....the whole reason of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ and what that means to us as Christians. Can you imagine the celebration they must all be having up there?!?!?! I mean, seriously! How can you not smile thinking about it! I picture colors we dont even know exist, an ENOURMOUS tree, and SO MUCH LOVE AND SMILES AND HAPPINESS!!! I know I have so many other friends and family who have had to go through grief too. I know they like me, are struggling with the missed memories and memories passed. However, not to take away from that (because I do think some of that is important) I want to really encourage you to just take a few minutes and picture that scene in your own mind. Can you see the big grins? Can you picture them lauging? Dancing? Can you picture the joyous celebration it just HAS to be, with Jesus Christ Himself? I hope that that will help you and bring a smile to your face like it does to me! There will be tears, I know, but try to let there be smiles too! Let the joy of the season still shine through!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
A Bent Over Week......
So this week is a bittersweet week for me.
September 1-Todd and I celebrate 11 years of marriage (YEA!)
September 1-Ian (my nephew who I ADORE) turns 3
September 6-This would have been Mackenzie's first birthday (my niece who passed 6 months ago)
September 8-Seth turns 6 years old today (time flies!)
September 8-Today is 6 months since Mackenzie's passing
You notice at that timeline that there is more to rejoice about then to be sad about. Yah, that's easy to point out, but not so easy to feel. Grief is a crazy emotion you don't ever really understand until your in it. Its something I hope a lot of you haven't had to be in because its awful. In the movie 'Courageous' there is a line when a dad sees a minister about losing his daughter that says, "Grief is like an amputation. When you lose a limb, it takes a while to completely heal. Even when it does heal though, life isn't quite the same." You learn to live in the new normal and life does get much better and life goes on, its just different. Since Mackenzie's passing, we are all left to figure out how to live in this new normal.
This week is a hard week for a lot of people in my family. The hardest of all is for my sister who was the Mommy. It absolutely breaks my heart for her to have to go through any of this and I want nothing more to fix it, because that's what I do, I fix things! But I cant fix this. I can only imagine her pain and I want to respect and honor her in this time, so this blog is not going to be about her or about anyone else in my family dealing with this, I am going to try to solely write on my feelings as a sister, aunt, and mom.
Coming into this week, I knew it was going to be hard, but I thought I was strong enough to pull through it and just be there for my family. I thought I had finished my crying. Boy was I wrong! Monday night I went to tuck my kids in to bed. I had to carry Seth to his bed (he fell asleep in mine) and as I did so, the song 'Blessings' by Laura Story was playing. Looking at his sweet face and hearing the words to the song did something and BAM! it hit me! I started to feel like it just happened and did the ugly cry (you know, heaving for breath, completely consolable). I realized that Mackenzie had been gone as long as she had got to be with us. It seems like just yesterday she left us still, and it just proved to me how little time we got with her. I got angry. Its not fair! I got guilty (survivor's guilt, I know is just a tool for Satan to try to get the best of me). I am slightly embarrassed to admit, sometimes I got (and get) angry with God. Now with admitting that, I need to say something else. First of all, I'm not REALY angry at Him I don't believe. Its like when your angry at another situation and take it out on the one you love (like your husband, sadly, Ive done that before too, I'm not perfect, sorry). When she first passed, I had several people tell me it must have been God's will, or it was His plan, or bla bla bla bla bla. Let me just say, don't EVER say that to someone who is grieving. It doesn't help at all, in fact, it usually does the opposite (I'm thinking I may write a blog eventually on what NOT to say actually....because I had a lot of people say mean and stupid things, unintentionally). But back to this being in God's plan...NO! Because the way I see it when God created earth and humans, death was not a part of His plan. Death came as a consequence to sin. NO, I am not saying Mackenzie passing was because of something my sister, my family, or myself did.....its because we ALL SIN, but that's why we all will leave this place at some point. I don't think this makes God happy. I don't see him sitting up there as some evil puppet master sitting up there cutting strings when He decides He wants to. When she first passed, one of my best friends told me in the hospital to just remember that this hurts God too....that helped me a lot because I believe that is true. I think this makes Him sad. He hurts to see his beloveds hurt too! OK----back to where I was I got angry at Him just because I got angry, not so much at Him (I'm glad He understands me when I don't even understand myself sometimes). I got a million questions and just cried for like 2 hours or so until I finally fell asleep. Since then, I feel like I'm walking in a cloud one step for falling back to uncontrollable crying. Luckily, God has blessed me with an amazing husband, family, and many wonderful friends I know are there holding me up, holding us all up, when I cant do it myself. When Mackenzie first passed, a lot of people recommended the books 'Heaven is 4 Real'. The adult version was hard to read, but it helped me. I got the kids version for Lillie (who is still herself left struggling in the aftermath) and honestly, the kids helped me more. It had beautiful pictures of what heaven may be like. Those images help me have something to hold on to. I don't believe I can actually talk to people who have passed on (but I do still do it sometimes to help my grief as recommended by my counselor). But I do find myself this week praying a lot to pass some messages on for me. Ive prayed that even though I don't believe they really celebrate birthdays up there, to do something special for our sweet girl (silly maybe, but it makes me feel a tiny bit better).
You know what is really crazy about this week? I didn't think it was possible to feel so much extreme hurt, grief, pain,happiness, and joy all at the same time....those don't go together really, but they do! I am trying so hard to focus on the good. And I am grateful. I am grateful for the time I DID have, and grateful for the 6 years I have had my super hero of a son (I have learned you truly don't know what the next minute, hour, day, week, or year will bring!)
This week, I feel pretty bent over, like a palm tree pushed to the ground in a hurricane. But the palm tree life is about surviving the storm and growing and flourishing in it...... I will (WE WILL) get through this storm. Some palm trees remain permanently bent after a storm, but they still grow up strong and reaching upward....maybe I'm odd (OK, I know I am) but I find those trees do be very beautiful and interesting. My prayer is that I will be one of those trees....as much as I would like the pain of this storm to go away, I am hoping in the end, He uses it for something fascinating and wonderful.
September 1-Todd and I celebrate 11 years of marriage (YEA!)
September 1-Ian (my nephew who I ADORE) turns 3
September 6-This would have been Mackenzie's first birthday (my niece who passed 6 months ago)
September 8-Seth turns 6 years old today (time flies!)
September 8-Today is 6 months since Mackenzie's passing
You notice at that timeline that there is more to rejoice about then to be sad about. Yah, that's easy to point out, but not so easy to feel. Grief is a crazy emotion you don't ever really understand until your in it. Its something I hope a lot of you haven't had to be in because its awful. In the movie 'Courageous' there is a line when a dad sees a minister about losing his daughter that says, "Grief is like an amputation. When you lose a limb, it takes a while to completely heal. Even when it does heal though, life isn't quite the same." You learn to live in the new normal and life does get much better and life goes on, its just different. Since Mackenzie's passing, we are all left to figure out how to live in this new normal.
This week is a hard week for a lot of people in my family. The hardest of all is for my sister who was the Mommy. It absolutely breaks my heart for her to have to go through any of this and I want nothing more to fix it, because that's what I do, I fix things! But I cant fix this. I can only imagine her pain and I want to respect and honor her in this time, so this blog is not going to be about her or about anyone else in my family dealing with this, I am going to try to solely write on my feelings as a sister, aunt, and mom.
Coming into this week, I knew it was going to be hard, but I thought I was strong enough to pull through it and just be there for my family. I thought I had finished my crying. Boy was I wrong! Monday night I went to tuck my kids in to bed. I had to carry Seth to his bed (he fell asleep in mine) and as I did so, the song 'Blessings' by Laura Story was playing. Looking at his sweet face and hearing the words to the song did something and BAM! it hit me! I started to feel like it just happened and did the ugly cry (you know, heaving for breath, completely consolable). I realized that Mackenzie had been gone as long as she had got to be with us. It seems like just yesterday she left us still, and it just proved to me how little time we got with her. I got angry. Its not fair! I got guilty (survivor's guilt, I know is just a tool for Satan to try to get the best of me). I am slightly embarrassed to admit, sometimes I got (and get) angry with God. Now with admitting that, I need to say something else. First of all, I'm not REALY angry at Him I don't believe. Its like when your angry at another situation and take it out on the one you love (like your husband, sadly, Ive done that before too, I'm not perfect, sorry). When she first passed, I had several people tell me it must have been God's will, or it was His plan, or bla bla bla bla bla. Let me just say, don't EVER say that to someone who is grieving. It doesn't help at all, in fact, it usually does the opposite (I'm thinking I may write a blog eventually on what NOT to say actually....because I had a lot of people say mean and stupid things, unintentionally). But back to this being in God's plan...NO! Because the way I see it when God created earth and humans, death was not a part of His plan. Death came as a consequence to sin. NO, I am not saying Mackenzie passing was because of something my sister, my family, or myself did.....its because we ALL SIN, but that's why we all will leave this place at some point. I don't think this makes God happy. I don't see him sitting up there as some evil puppet master sitting up there cutting strings when He decides He wants to. When she first passed, one of my best friends told me in the hospital to just remember that this hurts God too....that helped me a lot because I believe that is true. I think this makes Him sad. He hurts to see his beloveds hurt too! OK----back to where I was I got angry at Him just because I got angry, not so much at Him (I'm glad He understands me when I don't even understand myself sometimes). I got a million questions and just cried for like 2 hours or so until I finally fell asleep. Since then, I feel like I'm walking in a cloud one step for falling back to uncontrollable crying. Luckily, God has blessed me with an amazing husband, family, and many wonderful friends I know are there holding me up, holding us all up, when I cant do it myself. When Mackenzie first passed, a lot of people recommended the books 'Heaven is 4 Real'. The adult version was hard to read, but it helped me. I got the kids version for Lillie (who is still herself left struggling in the aftermath) and honestly, the kids helped me more. It had beautiful pictures of what heaven may be like. Those images help me have something to hold on to. I don't believe I can actually talk to people who have passed on (but I do still do it sometimes to help my grief as recommended by my counselor). But I do find myself this week praying a lot to pass some messages on for me. Ive prayed that even though I don't believe they really celebrate birthdays up there, to do something special for our sweet girl (silly maybe, but it makes me feel a tiny bit better).
You know what is really crazy about this week? I didn't think it was possible to feel so much extreme hurt, grief, pain,happiness, and joy all at the same time....those don't go together really, but they do! I am trying so hard to focus on the good. And I am grateful. I am grateful for the time I DID have, and grateful for the 6 years I have had my super hero of a son (I have learned you truly don't know what the next minute, hour, day, week, or year will bring!)
This week, I feel pretty bent over, like a palm tree pushed to the ground in a hurricane. But the palm tree life is about surviving the storm and growing and flourishing in it...... I will (WE WILL) get through this storm. Some palm trees remain permanently bent after a storm, but they still grow up strong and reaching upward....maybe I'm odd (OK, I know I am) but I find those trees do be very beautiful and interesting. My prayer is that I will be one of those trees....as much as I would like the pain of this storm to go away, I am hoping in the end, He uses it for something fascinating and wonderful.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
PRAYING THROUGH THE SYSTEM
It has been quite a while since my last post! For those of you who don't know, my husband is a camp director, so we stay VERY busy during the summer (reality is our lives are ALWAYS busy, just even more so in the summer, haha). So much has happened since I last posted, but I have one thing I want to really focus on today:
WE HAVE A HUGE PRAYER REQUEST!
This summer during camp, we had SEVERAL foster kids come into our lives at camp. Some were tough kids, some were good kids, some were just normal kids. One kid stood out to us. I can't name him on here, so let's just refer to him as Buddy. Buddy is 17 years old today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and has been in foster care for a really long time. He has been bounced around quite a bit from place to place, some at his own fault. He doesn't always make smart choices, however, he is 17 with no real parental influence and nobody has taught him the things kids need to be taught, so we don't look down on him for that. Buddy came the first week of camp to our Teen Week session and did so good, our staff asked us to try to find a way to bring him back for our leadership program, and God worked that all out (that's an awesome thing in my opinion!)
Todd and I started talking about how our family could be involved in Buddy's life. Because of our two AMAZING kids, we don't feel right about adopting him just yet. Because he has come from a pretty tough life, we do not want to endanger our most valuable babies. We found out about getting into a mentorship program. It is an awesome way to get involved in the lives of those who need us. You can be a major role in a child's life before jumping into adoption (which can be the end result if you are led that way!) Our program is Community Partnership for Children, I encourage you to check them out or see if there is a program in your area like it. We were in the process of trying to find out more about the program and get involved when Buddy ran away from his group home. He was staying in a very hard home, and got in trouble for drinking alcohol (wasn't a good choice we agree). It was dealt with in not the best of way and he got fed up with being there and decided to run away. After a week of being gone, he had talked to some of our camp counselors, and then they told us what was going on. Some how he got in touch with Todd (my husband). He wanted us to come get him and let him stay with us and he was hungry. Of course, me being the emotional one, wanted to run and get him right away. But we both knew that wasn't the smartest choice, so on Saturday, we started a long and crazy process of calling a million different people!
First I tried calling and texting his group home administrators. Then I called and text a lady who contacted us trying to adopt him. We then got in contact with his main case worker and two courtesy case workers (he is from a different county, so while here, he gets assigned a courtesy case worker so his main one doesn't have to drive back and forth). All this is on the weekend remember, so not in "normal business hours". The one consistent thing we were being told (they all had different information) was that we needed to contact the Sheriff's department. So we did. We amazingly got a very nice deputy who called us on Saturday and talked for a bit. She had worked with troubled teens before becoming a deputy. She told us that legally, we could not pick him and bring him home, it would be harboring a minor run away (not sure if that was the exact legal term) but we could feed him and talk to him. We needed to try to convince him to turn himself in, which in doing so, just removes him from the missing person registry. We were literally on the phone with SOOOO many people most of Saturday. On Sunday after church, we met him for lunch and then took him to Walmart to get a few groceries and a toothbrush and toothpaste. We did our best to convince himself to turn himself in, but he was very scared. He was scared of cops, he was scared of going back to the group home, he was scared of not being able to stay in contact with us, and he was scared of having a crummy birthday. We did not feel like we should force him (the deputy even told us we could lose his trust in that way and kids like this really need adults they can trust). We asked him to really think hard about turning himself in on Monday. We ran into another young man who used to live in the same home and got adopted. He pretty much said EXACTLY what we were saying. God was moving. After we left Buddy, I called the case worker. She was pretty upset with us for not taking him to the police immediately. I was just about in tears after that phone conversation because we wanted so badly to help Buddy and to do it the right way, that is why we were constantly on the phone updating every one we knew to!
On Monday, I got a phone call from an AMAZING woman from Community Partnership for Children (CPC) who works in the mentorship program. It was a HUGE answer to prayer! She is someone who we felt like finally understood the situation and wanted to help Buddy! She encouraged us to really do everything we could to try to get him to turn himself in. So we immediately went to work trying to get him to contact us again. At 2:00 he called Todd and said if we came now, he was ready to turn himself in. He was about 45 mins-1hr away, so we immediately left and went to him. We called our friend at CPC and she was amazing. She started helping us call people and figuring out what comes next. I called the case worker, didn't go so well, so she took over that for us. She met us at a McDonald's to talk to us and Buddy. We then went from there to the police station (which she went with us, didn't have to I might add! This lady went so far above and beyond her job!!!). We got there shortly after they closed so had to go through a million other people and crazy process. Finally some cops came. Poor Buddy was scared. Remember, cops really made him uneasy. We tried to get it so we could be fingerprinted, checked, home checked out so he could stay with us until a placement was found. Case worker wasn't really working with us. Long story short (not that this is short, haha) he ended up having to ride in the back of a cop car (heartbreaking to see a child get put in the back of a car) and taken to a shelter. The cops who came were amazing though, they helped him feel at ease. They were willing to let Todd ride in the back of the car if need be (Buddy by the end felt comfortable enough to go alone) and play music in the car and drive fast with lights on a deserted street to make it look fun (as fun as possible at least).
Today is his birthday. We have no idea where he is right now. It all goes in the hands of his case worker. Our friend at CPS is calling her and everyone she can to find out where he is and keep us in contact. Today, even though its not even lunch, has been a hard day with tears included. We have some things we really need our wonderful prayer warriors to be praying for!
Thank you to those of you who I know will be praying. If any of you have any advice on what we need to do to help our special friend, we are open to it!
WE HAVE A HUGE PRAYER REQUEST!
This summer during camp, we had SEVERAL foster kids come into our lives at camp. Some were tough kids, some were good kids, some were just normal kids. One kid stood out to us. I can't name him on here, so let's just refer to him as Buddy. Buddy is 17 years old today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and has been in foster care for a really long time. He has been bounced around quite a bit from place to place, some at his own fault. He doesn't always make smart choices, however, he is 17 with no real parental influence and nobody has taught him the things kids need to be taught, so we don't look down on him for that. Buddy came the first week of camp to our Teen Week session and did so good, our staff asked us to try to find a way to bring him back for our leadership program, and God worked that all out (that's an awesome thing in my opinion!)
Todd and I started talking about how our family could be involved in Buddy's life. Because of our two AMAZING kids, we don't feel right about adopting him just yet. Because he has come from a pretty tough life, we do not want to endanger our most valuable babies. We found out about getting into a mentorship program. It is an awesome way to get involved in the lives of those who need us. You can be a major role in a child's life before jumping into adoption (which can be the end result if you are led that way!) Our program is Community Partnership for Children, I encourage you to check them out or see if there is a program in your area like it. We were in the process of trying to find out more about the program and get involved when Buddy ran away from his group home. He was staying in a very hard home, and got in trouble for drinking alcohol (wasn't a good choice we agree). It was dealt with in not the best of way and he got fed up with being there and decided to run away. After a week of being gone, he had talked to some of our camp counselors, and then they told us what was going on. Some how he got in touch with Todd (my husband). He wanted us to come get him and let him stay with us and he was hungry. Of course, me being the emotional one, wanted to run and get him right away. But we both knew that wasn't the smartest choice, so on Saturday, we started a long and crazy process of calling a million different people!
First I tried calling and texting his group home administrators. Then I called and text a lady who contacted us trying to adopt him. We then got in contact with his main case worker and two courtesy case workers (he is from a different county, so while here, he gets assigned a courtesy case worker so his main one doesn't have to drive back and forth). All this is on the weekend remember, so not in "normal business hours". The one consistent thing we were being told (they all had different information) was that we needed to contact the Sheriff's department. So we did. We amazingly got a very nice deputy who called us on Saturday and talked for a bit. She had worked with troubled teens before becoming a deputy. She told us that legally, we could not pick him and bring him home, it would be harboring a minor run away (not sure if that was the exact legal term) but we could feed him and talk to him. We needed to try to convince him to turn himself in, which in doing so, just removes him from the missing person registry. We were literally on the phone with SOOOO many people most of Saturday. On Sunday after church, we met him for lunch and then took him to Walmart to get a few groceries and a toothbrush and toothpaste. We did our best to convince himself to turn himself in, but he was very scared. He was scared of cops, he was scared of going back to the group home, he was scared of not being able to stay in contact with us, and he was scared of having a crummy birthday. We did not feel like we should force him (the deputy even told us we could lose his trust in that way and kids like this really need adults they can trust). We asked him to really think hard about turning himself in on Monday. We ran into another young man who used to live in the same home and got adopted. He pretty much said EXACTLY what we were saying. God was moving. After we left Buddy, I called the case worker. She was pretty upset with us for not taking him to the police immediately. I was just about in tears after that phone conversation because we wanted so badly to help Buddy and to do it the right way, that is why we were constantly on the phone updating every one we knew to!
On Monday, I got a phone call from an AMAZING woman from Community Partnership for Children (CPC) who works in the mentorship program. It was a HUGE answer to prayer! She is someone who we felt like finally understood the situation and wanted to help Buddy! She encouraged us to really do everything we could to try to get him to turn himself in. So we immediately went to work trying to get him to contact us again. At 2:00 he called Todd and said if we came now, he was ready to turn himself in. He was about 45 mins-1hr away, so we immediately left and went to him. We called our friend at CPC and she was amazing. She started helping us call people and figuring out what comes next. I called the case worker, didn't go so well, so she took over that for us. She met us at a McDonald's to talk to us and Buddy. We then went from there to the police station (which she went with us, didn't have to I might add! This lady went so far above and beyond her job!!!). We got there shortly after they closed so had to go through a million other people and crazy process. Finally some cops came. Poor Buddy was scared. Remember, cops really made him uneasy. We tried to get it so we could be fingerprinted, checked, home checked out so he could stay with us until a placement was found. Case worker wasn't really working with us. Long story short (not that this is short, haha) he ended up having to ride in the back of a cop car (heartbreaking to see a child get put in the back of a car) and taken to a shelter. The cops who came were amazing though, they helped him feel at ease. They were willing to let Todd ride in the back of the car if need be (Buddy by the end felt comfortable enough to go alone) and play music in the car and drive fast with lights on a deserted street to make it look fun (as fun as possible at least).
Today is his birthday. We have no idea where he is right now. It all goes in the hands of his case worker. Our friend at CPS is calling her and everyone she can to find out where he is and keep us in contact. Today, even though its not even lunch, has been a hard day with tears included. We have some things we really need our wonderful prayer warriors to be praying for!
- Buddy doesn't have a Bible. We are working at getting him one with his name on it. Before he turned himself in, we talked about this and him reading at least one chapter of Proverbs every day. PRAY WE ARE ABLE TO KNOW WHERE TO SEND IT
- We don't know where Buddy is or if we are able to get back in contact with him. PRAY THAT IT WILL WORK OUT SO WE HAVE SOME FORM OF CONTACT WITH HIM SOON! AND THAT IT WILL BE A CONSTANT CONTACT.
- One of our big hopes, is he will be transferred to a group home in our area. Because he has been bounced around and ran away, that limits the places he is allowed to. We would love for him to be in a Christian group home with loving people. PRAY HE GETS TRANSFERRED TO A GOOD HOME CLOSE BY
- There are a lot of people around Buddy who think he is a lost cause and that he is hopeless. In Christ, there is no such thing, PRAY THAT THROUGH ALL THIS, HE KNOWS THERE IS HOPE AND LOVE IN CHRIST AND ITS UNCONDITIONAL AND UNFAILING.
- Today is his birthday, if you could say a quick prayer that something little happens just to make him feel special today, that would be nice.
- MOST OF ALL, PRAY GOD KEEPS HIS HANDS ON BUDDY AND FOR HIS WILL IN ALL OF THIS!
Thank you to those of you who I know will be praying. If any of you have any advice on what we need to do to help our special friend, we are open to it!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
AMAZING NEW WEBSITE---GREAT DEALS!
OK, so somebody invited me to this new site called Totsy. It is an invitation only website for mommies who want to save money! I LOVE THIS SITE! Today, I just ordered 7 play dresses/sundress for Lillie and a pair of flip flops all for UNDER $50! Thats including the shipping! And they dont just have kids stuff, they have stuff for mommies, daddies, the home, gifts, and more! It is seriously amazing! If you want to join it, here is the link: http://www.totsy.com/join/tnt_tidbits And another amazing thing, is when you invite friends, and they make a purchase, you get a $15 credit to shop! Soooo, join, invite your friends, shop......its a great way to save money and help your friends!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Wish List
Ok, so I got a new IPad (a lady at my church gave me her old one when she got a new one, how awesome is that?!?) and I am testing out the new Blogger app on here and thought with my birthday coming up, why not write a wish list blog? I was (won't lie, still am) that kid that liked searching catalogs for what gifts I wanted. Only problem is now, most things I wish for now are way too expensive and I know I won't get them, but it's fun to dream anyways. Hahaha. OK, here goes.
- a trip on a Disney Cruise
- a hot pink Kitchenaid standing mixer (although, I'd be thrilled to get any color)
- a pair of Corral western boots
- a tummy tuck (if I'm gonna dream, haha)
- a pedicure
- a cute case for my IPad
- the new Gloria Estefan album
- highlights in my hair
- gift card to Bealls or Kohls for new clothes
- pink converse shoe
- a millionaire investor for a new cupcake shop for my sister and I
- gift cards for Panera Bread
- a cool beach chair ( that sits and lays down... Not too heavy or hard to carry)
-any cool cupcake things
- anything fun with flamingos
- a new set of round cake pans
- a cute pair of comfort sandals
- cute work out clothes (I have GOT to get in shape!)
I am sure there are a million other things I'd love to have, I am after all a girl.
Let's see if this posts from my IPad now......
- a trip on a Disney Cruise
- a hot pink Kitchenaid standing mixer (although, I'd be thrilled to get any color)
- a pair of Corral western boots
- a tummy tuck (if I'm gonna dream, haha)
- a pedicure
- a cute case for my IPad
- the new Gloria Estefan album
- highlights in my hair
- gift card to Bealls or Kohls for new clothes
- pink converse shoe
- a millionaire investor for a new cupcake shop for my sister and I
- gift cards for Panera Bread
- a cool beach chair ( that sits and lays down... Not too heavy or hard to carry)
-any cool cupcake things
- anything fun with flamingos
- a new set of round cake pans
- a cute pair of comfort sandals
- cute work out clothes (I have GOT to get in shape!)
I am sure there are a million other things I'd love to have, I am after all a girl.
Let's see if this posts from my IPad now......
Friday, April 20, 2012
BRING THE RAIN!
So the past couple weeks I have been having an extremely rough time. A big part of it I know is dealing with the loss of my precious 6 month old niece, Mackenzie Grace, who went to heaven on March 8 of this year. I have had nightmares every night, which leaves me exhausted, not helping anything.
We are also approaching May which is normally a VERY busy season for us. My husband runs a summer camp, and we get busier and busier as summer approaches.
I also work at a Fine Arts school so my kids can take classes there and we have a talent show coming up this Saturday where my sweet Lillie will do a ballet solo, and the teens I work with (and am so proud of!) are doing a musical skit of the sorts. So have been very busy working on that. As well as the kids are in an adorable play the first weekend in May...which also means more rehearsals and arranging costumes.
It doesn't stop.....
I also work at an AMAZING dance studio where Lillie takes ballet and we have a two night recital coming up in a few weeks.
Plus.....
My in laws are having a big 50th anniversary party (hey 50 years! What an accomplishment) in Kentucky where we will leave on a Friday, do the party on the Saturday, then drive back on Sunday.
Plus.....
I have a homeschool conference coming up.
Plus.....
I teach at the homeschool co-op (one week left! YEA!).
Plus....
Lillie has started an intense learning tutoring program where I take her 3 days a week and I teach her their program another 3 days a week.
Plus......
Our cat is having kittens.
OK, so I have a crazy life. But all of those things are good things, wonderful things. I am so glad we are blessed enough for our kids to have such amazing opportunities. And most of those things are coming to a head this month, which would stress any normal sane person out I think (or am I so crazy to think that? Haha). But when you add on the death of a child, (not to mention worrying about how your family is taking such a tragedy) sometimes, the smallest of problems seem unbearable. This week has been building up to that point. I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and just cried, I mean CRIED A LOT! To where your head, sinuses, and eyes hurt from crying. (And weird thing is, I feel like I have a lot of crying left to do.) All day today, I have been in a funk, and exhausted. I walked up to the office to work a few things out, and notice the sky looks like a big storm is coming. RELIEF! There are the obvious answers, "the weather matches my mood" or "we need rain so bad" which are both true, but there is a deeper meaning for me. Last night (and this morning) I was crying, and crying out to God as to why life was so hard. I had a lot of other questions (lots of whys) and begged him to just show me He was with me, give me a sign He loves me, its going to be OK! A few times begging to just send the rapture now. (Don't be worried....I know God loves me, I know He is real, if we are honest, we all feel like this sometimes).
Well, when my mom was a little girl, her dad was in the navy. His 4 daughters I am sure hated when he left to go out on the ship. He would always tell them that if it rained, God was telling them everything was going to be OK, Daddy was coming home. And that story of my Grandpa has passed on ever since! Funny thing is, when something bad happens in our family, it rains!!!
So as I am seeing the storm coming, its a sign to me, everything is going to be OK. My Father is coming back! (of course, I don't know when that time is) I am in His hands, and through Him, I will be OK! Doesn't mean life wont be hard (still in a struggle right now), doesn't mean I am going to have battles to fight, but I am loved by someone who LOVES ME more than I understand...........
I once heard that joy does not mean happiness. Joy is knowing, Happiness is a feeling. You can have Joy in the storms because even though you don't understand, you KNOW He is in control!
We are also approaching May which is normally a VERY busy season for us. My husband runs a summer camp, and we get busier and busier as summer approaches.
I also work at a Fine Arts school so my kids can take classes there and we have a talent show coming up this Saturday where my sweet Lillie will do a ballet solo, and the teens I work with (and am so proud of!) are doing a musical skit of the sorts. So have been very busy working on that. As well as the kids are in an adorable play the first weekend in May...which also means more rehearsals and arranging costumes.
It doesn't stop.....
I also work at an AMAZING dance studio where Lillie takes ballet and we have a two night recital coming up in a few weeks.
Plus.....
My in laws are having a big 50th anniversary party (hey 50 years! What an accomplishment) in Kentucky where we will leave on a Friday, do the party on the Saturday, then drive back on Sunday.
Plus.....
I have a homeschool conference coming up.
Plus.....
I teach at the homeschool co-op (one week left! YEA!).
Plus....
Lillie has started an intense learning tutoring program where I take her 3 days a week and I teach her their program another 3 days a week.
Plus......
Our cat is having kittens.
OK, so I have a crazy life. But all of those things are good things, wonderful things. I am so glad we are blessed enough for our kids to have such amazing opportunities. And most of those things are coming to a head this month, which would stress any normal sane person out I think (or am I so crazy to think that? Haha). But when you add on the death of a child, (not to mention worrying about how your family is taking such a tragedy) sometimes, the smallest of problems seem unbearable. This week has been building up to that point. I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and just cried, I mean CRIED A LOT! To where your head, sinuses, and eyes hurt from crying. (And weird thing is, I feel like I have a lot of crying left to do.) All day today, I have been in a funk, and exhausted. I walked up to the office to work a few things out, and notice the sky looks like a big storm is coming. RELIEF! There are the obvious answers, "the weather matches my mood" or "we need rain so bad" which are both true, but there is a deeper meaning for me. Last night (and this morning) I was crying, and crying out to God as to why life was so hard. I had a lot of other questions (lots of whys) and begged him to just show me He was with me, give me a sign He loves me, its going to be OK! A few times begging to just send the rapture now. (Don't be worried....I know God loves me, I know He is real, if we are honest, we all feel like this sometimes).
Well, when my mom was a little girl, her dad was in the navy. His 4 daughters I am sure hated when he left to go out on the ship. He would always tell them that if it rained, God was telling them everything was going to be OK, Daddy was coming home. And that story of my Grandpa has passed on ever since! Funny thing is, when something bad happens in our family, it rains!!!
So as I am seeing the storm coming, its a sign to me, everything is going to be OK. My Father is coming back! (of course, I don't know when that time is) I am in His hands, and through Him, I will be OK! Doesn't mean life wont be hard (still in a struggle right now), doesn't mean I am going to have battles to fight, but I am loved by someone who LOVES ME more than I understand...........
I once heard that joy does not mean happiness. Joy is knowing, Happiness is a feeling. You can have Joy in the storms because even though you don't understand, you KNOW He is in control!
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